Aug 082005
 

Zaroorat Hai, Zaroorat Hai, Zaroorat Hai
Ek Srimati Ki, Kalavati Ki
Seva Kare Jo
Pati… Ki
Zaroorat Hai, Zaroorat hai Zaroorat Hai

sang Kishore Kumar eons ago in the film Manmauji. Not a very great film. But a catchy tune and very 60′s lyrics. And the whole song was so tongue in cheek that you really wouldn’t get too offended by the lyrics. Atleast, I didn’t.

A few years ago when I was running an educational channel, someone very senior in the company asked me to put together a programme that would prepare women on the verge of matrimony. Understanding their ‘role’ in life as per our societal norms. It was a show that we tried conceptualising – despite our own reservations – and every time we tried to have a brainstorming session the whole team would collapse with laughter. It was 1999 – and why would women need such training.

Today, while reading the ToI, i finally saw light (HT’s entire campaign has gone bust – it is ToI that offers enlightenment of this sort). It ran a report on an institute that churns out ideal bahus. Women who understand our sanskar, the importance of the institution of marriage, their role as a homemaker, and someone who serves her husband diligently.

During a three-month course, girls are taught that the best time to have sex is from midnight to three in the morning. From three to six in the morning is the time to sing bhajans. They are also taught that they should keep the husband’s needs above everything else, that a joint family is an excellent setup, that the seven vows of saath pheras are not forgettable nonsense but lifelong commandments, that an ideal wife must have five “ornaments” — coyness in her eyes, smile on her face, sweetness in her speech, love in her heart and a hand that can work very hard.

I loved the concept of midnight for 3 for sex. and 3 to 6 for Bhajans. Oh God chanted over a 6 hour period is definitely going to get someone, somewhere Nirvana. If nothing else, it redifines the meaning of post coital bliss :)

  10 Responses to “The Ideal Wife”

  1. If we cud just clear out the unnecessary cloud and see it as clear as it is then we cud do this

    A 100%, 360 Degree, IMC (Integrated Marriage Company)

    They start with a plant like
    Arey Colony (which gives milk), where women give birth to kids, with some help from modern science they only give birth to girl childs
    These girls childs are then sent to the Development Centre where they r modelled for Primary Development
    After 15 years of Primary Development, they are sent to Secondary Boot Camp. Here the women r polished on how to live for their husbands.

    The Secondary Boot Camp doubles as a Placement Agency where Campus Recruitment shall take place.
    The company shall tie up with ebay.com and the brillant toppers from Secondary Developmnent shall be bid for and the best bidders shall take em away.
    The ones that don’t get placed after 3 years of being in the Showcase are sent to The Production Plant

    This way we would make our Gods happy living the sanskar thanks to a great organisation

  2. Harini, the man not only runs the “training institute” but also has writtena book – Grahasth Mein Vyavaharik Jeevan – where he has gems like – “too much sex is the cause of diabetes and tuberculosis among men” – maybe that is why the time for sex is limited to these three hours :)

    after which, you just close your eyes and pray – or sing bhajans and hope you have not contracted TB :)

  3. LOL… are you serious?! :)

    BTW cool blog.

  4. lol sriram. i think that you have the germ of a great new business plan :)

  5. that guy is a riot.
    and some womans movement is going to make a martyr of him by taking out a morcha :) )

  6. I hope the sarcasm in my comment is noticeable ;)

  7. lol and if she does not know bhajans? what then? No sex for the couple? by the way what will the husband do while she sings? I guess he get’s to sleep :-)

  8. I wish I cud do a Columbine in this school.

  9. Hmmmmmm….

    As usual, the course seems to do aware with perhaps the area of most contention in Indian marriages – SEX.

    How is one expected to wake before 6 am if they are having sex till 3?

    And how does one deal with a partner who expects sexual favors from you that you may find disgusting?

    Does the course deal in detail with sex?

  10. Actually the best time for sex in a marriage is from year 1 to year 3. After that bhajan singing is all people do anyways ….ummm and i am kinda intrigued by the name “Tantric Queen” ….

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