Over the last year, I met many people who wanted to enter politics. Students, CEO’s, Social Activists and the rest. I have been giving some sort of general gyaan on the how’s and the what’s of politics – especially building core support groups and carrying them along.
But, over the same period I began realizing that what I am asking people to do is very long term and maybe, they need to follow a different route. So here goes :
- Beat up women – prefrebly outside pubs or colleges. and claim that they are anti indian or anti hindu or anti muslim or whatever. Make sure that you call the neighbourhood shadiwala videographer - journalist so that you get oodles of publicity.
- Break windows – prefebly outside a news channel. It can because you are bored – but don’t say that to them. Tell them that the billboard outside insults your ( regligious, linguistic, ethnic, caste, tribe…) sentiments
- Burn a Theatere - Not one of those that run porn but a nice shiney multiplex that runs a sweet love story with a kissing scene. Forget kamasutra, khajuraho and the rest – kissing is against Indian culture. Burning theaters is not.
- Terrorize ‘outsiders’/minorities - Given that we are a nation of minorities and outsiders – this should be fairly easy. The ‘outsiders’ could be anyone. If you are plannig to stand from Karnataka it could be Tamils, if you are planning to stand from Assam it could be Bengalis, if you are planning to stand from Maharashtra it can be anyone !
- Dig up some Cricket Pitches – self explanatory. You don’t like a country. It could be any country. It is close to elections. They are playing us in India. You need publicity. What better way to get it than to issue threats against the cricket team and dig up the pitches ?
- Burn Books - books are bound to be offensive to someone. conservative Christians, for example find Harry Potter offensive. So, find a book and burn it. prefrebly in front of cameras. If you want nationwide pubilcity – then burn an English book written by a Hindi author outside a news studio.
- Defend a Holy Cow or a Holy God or a Holy Prophet – or all of them simultaneously. Obviously God almighty needs protection from anything that insults him or her. And most things that are done probably offend God(ess) – from spitting to caricaturing. Just find an issue and decide that it bothers God and go for it …..
- Get Adopted – let’s face it political parties are products, and like all products they are marketed. Therefore you need a brand name and a brand push. if your name is shah or mehta ; verma or sharma ; calamur or patel — it’s not going to cut too much ice. You need names like Gandhi or Nehru or Thackery or Scindia. If you have a generic name like a Reddy or a Patil or a Chavan – then you need even more money to differentiate your brand from others called the same. so Adoption is the key - preferably by a rich successful political types. If you can’t get adopted, then you may consider changing your name by deed poll
If there are more, please add them 
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Contradict everything you said before!
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gargi Reply:
November 15th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
sort off. the earlier path was much harder. this is so much simpler
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Much simpler and better way to kick start of any political career. Just got an example, Mahagujrat Janta Party doing the same as in your clause 3,
If I apply these rules to me, then I am an unworthy of being a politician. Now I am apply these rules point wise to me and see what is the result
1. I can’t beat woman, they usually get me instead
2. I am still to hit a sixer that breaks a window.
3. I can try this one, but the security is too tight around theaters now
4. Now, I am a Bengali born and bought up in Delhi, with favorite team Delhi Daredevils, its too difficult to differentiate between insiders and outsider.
5. What if I do dig pitches and it become the seaming one? Indians still to have a good pacers
6. Will Law books do, Contact Act, Companies Act, I would love to burn those.
7. I don’t give a shit to Holy cow, leave alone defending it…
8. Will Adolf Hitler do?
These were jokes, but the darn truth is too hard to digest.
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I am from bangalore, where almost everything fun is banned! So… yeah.. point 9. Call for a ban on something fun and totally harmless!
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plan to start a college/incubation centre for wannable policians?
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