I have been at a loss for words. They simply don’t flow anymore. I have anaysed it – why don’t you write, i ask myself, as an external analyst trying to solve a problem?
Do you not care about anything anymore to write about it; at , maybe you have written so much – that you have nothing left to say;… Or maybe, you have, so far, kept a part of yourself in reserve. Locked away. Private. And, now to write – you have to bring out that you. Do you really want to reveal so much of you. And, if you do – will all defenses be stripped away leaving you vulnerable to hurt. Or maybe it is nothing that deep – maybe the fact that you have such mundane work occupying the bulk of your time – that your brain is ossified. Or maybe, you spend so much of your time with news content, that there is nothing left to say that is original or incisive. Or, maybe you don’t have time for any of those things that gave you insight – going away to the villages, filming, reading, photography, being with friends, meeting people other than media – maybe that is the problem. That you have become the frog in the well – and you are terrified that your view would be as superficial as other frogs in the well.
these are the kind of conversations i have with myself about writing. Yes, and when you start referring to yourself in the 2nd person – you know that you are in trouble.
It has been a dreadful year so far – personally. And, i have done pretty much what i have done all my life – thrown my self so much into work that the exhaustion does not leave me any time for anything else. Especially my own thoughts.
Now, i have begun to heal. And, part of that healing is expressing. Some of what i write may be maudlin and pointless, like this one. But it is cheaper than therapy 😀
I have begun gathering my life back again. it is a different life from what it was before, and i am discovering the difference