{"id":758,"date":"2008-01-06T13:50:07","date_gmt":"2008-01-06T08:50:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/calamur.org\/gargi\/2008\/01\/06\/women-crossing-the-line\/"},"modified":"2008-01-06T13:50:07","modified_gmt":"2008-01-06T08:50:07","slug":"women-crossing-the-line","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/calamur.org\/gargi\/2008\/01\/06\/women-crossing-the-line\/","title":{"rendered":"Women – Crossing the Line…"},"content":{"rendered":"

…. both men and women seem to support the idea that women who ‘ask for it’ tend to ‘get it’. Unfortunately, no one seems to be able to define what “it” means and whether “it” means different things to men and women ( it does !)<\/p>\n

HT <\/strong><\/a>, which broke the story and led with it since New Year’s, has done a stellar job. It’s most recent update is a survey that indicates what a ‘cross section’ of men really think<\/strong><\/a>..<\/p>\n

46% think that if a woman goes to a bar she is ‘inviting’ trouble; 46% think that if a woman swore at them they would be tempted to get physical or aggressive; 60% believe that the ‘ideal’ woman will be the ‘at home’ types who forswears parties and doesn’t go out; 64% of respondents believe that women in bar who are friendly are looking for ‘one night stands’.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I am not surprised. We have a very binary view of women in India – she is either the virginal wife (how ??) or the slut. There are no in betweens. R once told me that there were two kinds of women, women you had a good time with and women you went to see with your mother….<\/p>\n

I have been following the scene in blogdom fairly closely. What is surprising is the number of male bloggers who are outraged at the incident and the number of women who are of the view that ‘women should know better’ and take more precaution.<\/p>\n

When women, especially women who appreciate and value independence talk about a self imposed lakshman rekha<\/strong><\/a> – as they have done here<\/strong><\/a>, here<\/strong><\/a>, here<\/strong><\/a>, here <\/strong><\/a>– for safety and security, I understand and appreciate it….. There are times that I have thought and acted in similar ways…. but I am not sure that it is the solution.
\nThe trouble with lakshman rekha’s is that the onus of ‘appropriate’ behaviour is put on the victim. Sita <\/em><\/strong>got kidnapped because she crossed the lakshman rekha (not because ravan kidnapped her) ; Draupadi <\/em><\/strong>gets stripped because she is a woman with5 husbands and has no shame – not because her husband lost her in a gamble and her brother-in-law stripped her; the women who got groped at and stripped were at a 5 star hotel- how dare they leave the home…. and have fun and say no to men who want to feel them up and grope them..<\/p>\n

One of the female bloggers said that don’t go where it isn’t safe … I gagged…. what a simple solution to keep safe…. I wonder why no one thought of it earlier…. Only one problem…. … please, where is it safe ? Women get molested in buses, trains, homes, colleges, loos, outside 5 star hotels, in villages, in legislative offices, practically everywhere… so what is safe …. do we all wear the purdah and stay at home…. oops we can’t because most rapes and molestations happen in the family … then where…<\/p>\n

Maybe, just maybe, the cause isn’t women wearing clothes that don’t cover their ‘modesty’ (what ever that is); or women getting drunk enough to totter and puke ( a horrible state to be in, irrespective of gender). Maybe the problem is that we tolerate bad behavior towards women in the home and it just becomes a habit outside. Maybe, the problem is that we tolerate<\/strong><\/a> this in 70% of our homes:<\/p>\n

As many as 70 per cent of married women in India between the age of 15 and 49 are victims of beating, rape or coerced sex, the United Nation Population Fund report said.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If children in 70% of our families grow up thinking that it is ok to use violence on women, especially for sex, then it is hardly surprising that they behave in the way that they do..<\/p>\n

Other Views:<\/p>\n

Annie<\/strong><\/a>, Charu<\/strong><\/a>, Lekhni<\/strong>, <\/a>Nandita<\/strong><\/a>, Sanskriti<\/strong><\/a>, Falstaff<\/strong><\/a>, Arzan <\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

…. both men and women seem to support the idea that women who ‘ask for it’ tend to ‘get it’. 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