Read the apalling story of the 16 year old Kurdish girl who was murdered by her father for being too western. The father then tried to commit suicide, but botched the job. A judge in the UK sentanced him to life imprisonment.

What struck me was the complete sorrow on the man’s face. He obviously loved his daughter – but like many fathers from traditional societies – he didn’t quite know how to cope with his daughter leading a western lifestyle, and falling in love with (horror of horrors), a Palestinian Christian. I am not defending the father’s actions. What he did was wrong. However, his actions were only a manifestation of a much more complex socio-cultural problem. The problem is the way many societies see women and their changing role. In many of our societies the vast majority has not gotten used to women making their own decisions – the result is honour killings, acid thrown on faces, gang rape as a method of teaching a lesson, excommunication……

A couple of weeks ago a scriptwriter had come to meet us. he was telling us a story about his native state Bihar. The story is a true one.

there was once a brave Thakur – who had a beautiful daughter whom he doted on completely. She was the apple of his eye and he believed that she would become someone. In due course of time the young lady grew up, and it was time to go to university. The father after much persuasion from the daughter sent her off to JNU (Jawaharlal Nehru University, Delhi). There, she fell in love. The boy was a nice guy, bright, intelligent, charming – and he adored her completely. just the kind of guy you would want your daughter or sister to marry.

But, he was a Gujar – a caste that herds cattle. if they own the cattle they are Yadavs, and if the rule the land they are Gaekwads – but in this case the boy was from the Gujar caste. Much below the Thakurs in the caste ladder. But, thought the boy and the girl, this is 2000 – surely caste doesn’t matter.

However, caste did matter. So our hero and heroine eloped. They went to the court and registered their wedding. not the most romantic ways to get married – but probably the most iron clad marriage in the country. The girl spoke to her father and said – i have got married. father said jo ho gaya so ho gaya – come home and we will send you off with full pomp and ceremony. Tumhari Bidai karenge

Girl goes back home. father shoots her dead, and buries her body in the forest. some close family members got cold feet and report it to the police. The father is arrested and in his defence he says – i killed her, but she broke the caste (jati) rules. The case will come to trial – but the father will walk with a slap on his wrists.

You see, the trouble is that although the constitiution and our legal framework does not recognize honour killing, or rather sees it the same as any other kind of killing, people in the criminal justice department see it as being justified.

And when you have extreme right wing parties in power – then all of this gets excused in the name of our religion. our culture. and those of who us who speak out become “colonized”, ‘western puppets’, coconuts, pseudo secularists…