5th evening, i was working on the lecture for the following morning. Political Communication and Propaganda was the topic. The paper is Political Communication, and how it works. My brother came into the study to tell me Gauri Lankesh was shot. My brain refused to process the statement. Who I asked? He repeated. I didn’t’ hear her name. I just saw his lips move.And, finally i figured what he was trying to tell me.  I think i didn’t hear it simply because my brain refused to process the fact that someone had shot a woman at her own home, in a relatively safe metro. A journalist. An editor. Shot dead is the wrong term, execution might be more apt. She pissed off someone or someones, and they executed her – three men, seven bullets, three hit the target – one in the head and two in the heart.

 

I knew who she was. I had read her bylines. I was aware of the criminal defamation case, and the sentence. I knew of her subscription driven paper. But, i didn’t know her. We weren’t’ in the same political quadrant, or even the same social circles. But i had read her bylines.  Not very frequently, but I did read them.

As in the case of Nirbhaya – or Jyoti Singh – my sense of personal security and well being feels terribly violated.  It is quite one thing when two bunch of affiliated men kill each other. And, horrific as it is – this is something men have been doing for millennia – at the extreme, kill other men who disagree with them. I bemoan the breakdown of law and order, and wring my hands, but men killing each other does not shock me.

I don’t expect women to be shot outside their own home. i don’t get too shocked at the rape for revenge stories, or even the acid attacks – i am terribly saddened when i read about them, but it doesn’t shock me. Possibly because, as a woman, i know how common place at least the former is. But with Gauri Lankesh – a woman being shot dead – executed publicly by a bunch of gunmen (should we call them terrorists?) bothers me. My sense of personal security feels gravely shaken. It is like a lakshman rekha has been crossed, and there is no going back.

The next morning, as i was leaving for my lecture my mother calls out me “Be careful about what you teach, don’t attract attention”.    Yeah. that. Like one needs reminders.  I know someone (a teacher) who was assaulted in class for talking about the legal reasons for Balasaheb Thackeray being disqualified from fighting elections. He had offended one of his students. But, you park the anxiety, and plod on – do what has to be done. Discuss cases dispassionately. Try and be balanced about it. Try not to let your own biases bubble over and bias students.  That is something you owe students. But, you don’t want to be reminded of the consequences, if you piss someone off. Till now the penalty was blackening of face (at least in Mumbai). When i held a corporate function, i would hear threats – take down this article, hum complain karenge, etc etc. but, that is part of a job description. You can’t stop doing your job because someone is angry with what you do. 🙁

Today i read her ex-husband’s tribute to her, and i could feel the tears prick the back of my eyes. It does feel personal