The Shraddha Murder case, is amongst the saddest stories that one can read. A young woman full of life was murdered by her violent partner – Aftab Poonawalla. After killing her he chopped her body up into 36 pieces, bought a large fridge to store it, and began disposing it across the length and breadth of Delhi.

Aftab, from all reports, was a horrid human being. He was abusive, manupilative, pushed all the right buttons to prevent his partner from leaving. And, then murdered her. From some accounts it seems that the murder was planned – which makes him a coldblooded murderer. And, then after the murder the kind of planning undertaken to dispose off the body, makes him seem without any moral core – a psychopathic murderer. And, while that may well be the case – a blow by blow account of the murder, its details, and the way the body was disposed off cannot be good for other women in relationships with abusive men.

What has gotten both the media and individuals on the Right drooling with ecstasy were that the relationship was cross-religious (he is a Muslim, and she was Hindu) and that the couple was living together without marriage. Love Jihad screamed some headlines. Murdered his live-in partner screamed others.

Media Overreaction

For the media, any murder or rape (or both) that happen in Delhi are a boon from the TRP gods. Add in a dash of religion – Hindu Muslim is preferred – and it is like festival season come early for eyeballs. “Sudhir Choudhary went to town with the story – his shows screaming “Love, Live in, aur Love Jihad” screamed Zee Hindustan. The leader in this kind of journalism, India TV, asked “Kya Love Jihad ka shikar hui Hindu beti Shraddha’ – where two men in suits, and handkerchiefs sticking out of their pockets solmnly discussed the decline of values, and the conspiracies that compelled Hindu girls to choose Muslim boys. “Dilli ka Dexter”, declared Zee News – never mind if its target audience is or is not familiar with the American show about the serial killer Dexter.

And, ti was not just the regional media that went to town with this story, dragging it out with little titbits of information to keep audiences hooked – it was also the English language media. This is Barkha Dutt wit the headline – Shraddha Murder – How Aftab killed his girlfriend & “ground her intestines to Keema”

And, this was the India Today giving us even more gory details – about the murderer looking at her chopped off head daily.

Politician Overload

And where the media screams this, wannabe political leaders cannot be far behind. Tejinder Bagga who probably hopes to be CM of Delhi one day – shared a picture of two fridges – and a caption that went ‘our fridge, their fridge’ – and a visual of fresh veggies fruits in one, and body parts and blood in the other. I am not sharing it, because it has only one objective – to get you outraged and share it. Himanta Biswa Sarma, the CM of Assam, with Prime Ministerial ambitions in a post-Modi world- pitched for a third term for Mr Modi waying without that “there will be an Aftab in every city”.

BJP leader Giriraj Singh, used this as an opportunity to label this as ‘Love Jihad’ and alleged that ‘non-Muslim girls were being targetted, as part of a big conspiracy’; while Union Minister (Housing and Urban Affairs) Kaushal Kishore blamed Shraddha for her own murder, “Live-in relationship is a wrong practice and is leading to crime. These ‘educated’ girls are paying for this. It should be completely banned,” 

And, day by day, little titbits of their lives got leaked. How confidential interrogation by the cops ends up on the front pages of newspapers, and as lead stories on TV channels, in such graphic detail, would possibly be a cause for concern for the Home Ministry, but that is not the point of this blog. The point is that in a lazy media scenario, where there is benefit to be gained by polarisation – the media will polarise. Also, when it is supported by a poltical ecosystem that speaks the same language of hate and otherisation – the impact is manifold.

Rabid Rabble Rouser, who also owns and Runs the hate mongering Sudarshan Channel, Suresh Chavhanke, put out a wedding card, with the address and other details of an interfaith reception. The card incidentally was in the name of both sets of parents. The reception had to be cancelled because of fears of right wing violence against the couple.

A Story of Abuse, and then Murder

the Shraddha Murder case is traumatic for many, not just because of the way she was murdered, and her body dismembered and disposed off – but also the pain and violence she had to live with when she was alive.

That women in relationships are subject to abuse, is an old and well known story. Most of us either have seen violence in relationships – either our own, or of close friends. One of the best kept secrets in any friend circle is domestic violence. A large proportion of women have internalised the fact that their man is justified in hitting or beating his wife. The normalisation of violence within the household is very large. The denial that the picture perfect family hides violence – both physical and sexual – is not a space that most people want to acknowledge.

It doesn’t get better just because you are eductated or even have a high paying job.

I used to know a very senior lady in the media, who would turn up regularly for work, walking gingerly, and with make up marking injuries. There was no reason why she could not have left – she earned well. She had a supportive organisation. She had collegues who would have helped. She could have afforded a house of her own (even in Mumbai). She finally divorced the man, and moved countries, but not before enduring decades of violence. And if you think that this is something that just afflicts women in India, you would be wrong. Men across the world think it is their right to beat, rape, and murder the women in their lives. And, women across the world feel they have no option but to put up with it, because in their minds they provoked the men to the violence. It was in some way, their fault. Womens’ Web points out,

“As many as 77% women never sought any help from anyone about the violence inflicted on them.The most common source of support was the woman’s own family (58%) followed by the husband’s family (27%) and friends (18%) Among the institutional sources of help, the most common was the police (9%) followed by a religious leader (2%) and, doctors, lawyers (2%) (women’s web ; Latest NFHS-5 Data Shows 30% of Indian Women Face Domestic Violence…And That’s Just The Reported Number!)

In very many ways the clamour around the brutalised life, and brutal murder of Shraddha Walkar should have started a conversation on domestic violence, shelters for women, and how can the law and civil society help women escape from such situations. Instead it has been turned on its head to look at how to increase hate and violence in society at large, by targetting Muslim men.

As i write this piece, i read about a man who killed a woman (in UP) and cut up her body into 6, and disposed it off. The reason we are getting to hear of it is the same as why we got to hear about all the brutal rape cases post the Delhi rape case of 2012 – the media trying to keep sordidness going with even more macabre coverage. The murder took place in Azamgarh, and i am 100% sure that if the man’s name were Muslim, instead of being Prince Yadav, the media and over ambitious politicians would have gone to town with it.

A renewed hope

I hope that the Shraddha Walkar life and murder empower us to set up more shelters, half way homes, and provide counselling for women who want to escape their brutal partners, or just men who feel rejected by them. Women need to know that when they decide to leave abusive relationships, there is a place that will welcome them without judgement. Without rubbing it in that they could have done more, or done less, or done anything. For ultimately, there are men who are allies – and won’t hit the women in their lives no matter what. And, there are men who are not. There is nothing a woman can do to change the latter. Except run to safety.