Every year, at around this time, I trudge down to Mumbai University – Kalina to correct/moderate papers.

I, for my sins, am the chairperson for one of the papers. When asked the first time what does the chairperson do – I was told, quite seriously, ‘woh na, paper submit karta hai, aur reciept leta hai‘ .

As usually, the papers were a mixed bag – some good, some pass mark quality, some that have you chuckling, and some that have you shaking your head in sheer wonderment and asking ‘who taught this’. When you have paper after paper that spouts out the same garbage – you know that it is not student error, but teacher error !!

In any case, here are some of the best responses:

a) Educated people in India live in the cities and speak and read English. We (as in these) watch English channels. The rest of India that is illiterate speak their mother tongue or vernacular languages. They watch regional language channels because they don’t understand English because they are illiterate.

b) Hindi is the mother tongue of India. Over 99% of India understands and speaks Hindi except South India which speaks Dravidian and North East that speaks Chinese.

c) Rajiv Gandhi is the grandfather of Rahul Gandhi and is the farmer prime minister of India

d) Indira Gandhi’s daughter Sonia Gandhi is the chief of the Congress Party

e) The British started the AIR in 1757 and DD a few years later to keep the Indian people subjugated

f) The Gandhi family fought for India’s Independence – Mahatma Gandhi, Indira Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi all went to jail when the British wanted to stop them from attaining independence

g) Hindi is the National Language of India.

h) People who don’t understand Hindi are anti National

i) Hindus speak Hindi. the non Hindus speak other languages

j) People in villages are poor and illiterate

h) villagers like to watch music, dance and soaps. City people like to watch news and IPL

k) the BBC was used by the British to keep Africa and India under control. That saved the expense of having a big army

l) People who are poor do not have television sets and hence do not know what is happening

m) poor and illiterate people in villages cannot afford DTH and do not know what is happening in IPL

I can see these nameless, faceless students anchoring news – not very long for now….

22 thoughts on “Gems from Students 2010

  1. Harini,

    When you told me last night about this I didn’t believe you. But now I do. it’s hilarious. thanks for posting this. Yes, it’s actually the teachers who are at fault.

    Nice talking about accents last night (vernacular, IIT-Tam-brahm, mallu, etc.). hahaha.

    John

  2. This reminded me of a bar conversation from several years ago … when a middle aged man asked me in Detroit …”do you speak Hindu”…and I was so irritated with his ignorance I walked away ….. you would think that in this modern day India …where Red Bulls have been injected so deep … people would be at par with what is going on with our own country …sigh !! It is sad to know that somewhere there is a big gap … one that probably is getting wider with each day of lack of focus on fundamentals. I probably should take this on a lighter note … but the message between the lines is too strong. Thanks for sharing.

      1. That is probably a very bad thing…. I used to pride about how strong our fundamentals are …from middle school….and student report like you have shared … is not exactly A grade performance… I wish we stop looking West ward and retain our strengths.

        1. education has become the pursuit of degrees rather than learning.
          which may not be such a bad thing, but the system is not geared to offer this kind of learning. with most ‘professional’ courses in India – the gap is in qualified teachers and other teaching infrastructure … the pay is so low that unless you are totally passionate about teaching, professionals from the industry consider it a waste of time.
          the syllabus is obsolete, the teachers not trained in the subject that they are teaching, industry involvement is next to zero …. i feel sorry for the students … we are selling them dreams that will never be realised !

  3. This is hilarious. They sound like my freelancers. Let me give you a list of the crap they give me
    1) The contest is open to senior citizens, over the age of 30
    2) The Peacock is a bird that has been identified for centuries for the sheer brilliance of the feathers that unfold during courtship. The display is the erection of the enormous fan of tail plumes
    Most of the fancy plumage belongs to males because the males compete to win over their mate.
    Sometimes they fight or at least pretend to, but much of the time they compete simply by displaying their attractive stuff.
    3) But gradually it became male-dominated and women have to suffer the agony from the womb to tomb
    4) The decision to screen the volgur hoardings is good. But alongwith the authorities should show the currage to screen naked dressing of ladies, the outdoor romants of pairs, cinemas etc.
    5) the juniors were taught blowing techniques and basic exercises (this is with respect to flute playing)
    6) The month of Shravan is full of ladies festivals and celibacies
    7) The doctors point out that a number of gynaecological factors make women urinate more frequently than men. They also take a longer time to relieve themselves owing to anatomical and sartorial factors

    So yeah, while I feel bad that you have to correct that shit, I don’t feel sorry because I do it on a daily basis while you do it once a year 😛

  4. It is always nice to get a view from other side..Having said that I must confess out of all emotions that I went through after reading this piece, there is predominance of “feeling shamed”

    I do not know whose mistake is this, but this is prevalent, not only in Mumbai but also in Delhi and other parts of the country, people are plainly ignorant. Even they have the means, they would only use them for their entertainment. No wonder, we select assholes to lead our country.

    These same people (and I am from that bloody age group) will come into mainstream, will slog their butts out for living and spending. But after a certain age, they will whine. The problem I feel is not the paper but it is the attitude of not learning to do things. It is the sheer carelessness and ‘chalta hai’ attitude which gives such piece of art for your checking.

    It reminded me of an incident, one of my neighbor’s daughter in law died in an accident at Kaziranga, and people here wondered where the hell Kaziranga or Assam for that matter is?

    I am ashamed, I can’t laugh to this each time.

  5. Once………our A/c teacher was correcting paper & i happened to be there……….there was a lot of shit like this & i commented, u mst be enjoying reading this….she immediately countered………..”it makes me cringe to think tht these are my students!!!” Sad fact!!! 😐
    Gues calvin from Calvin & Hobbes rightly said, ” You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically
    manipulate the system.”

  6. >> nameless, faceless students anchoring news ? Send them to the fields for reporting 🙂
    BTW : which subject papers ? journalism ? 🙂

    I think in todays world, getting general knowledge is become more easier, but then the problem is of thinking, not of general knowledge 🙂

    1. fields is a good idea. yes. farming is a better one 🙂
      gk is seriously bad. but, then their main source is television or MSM !!

  7. Im just happy I am not one of them. and im sure im not one of them.
    it really is teacher error. I saw people at my center with such crappy ideas, it was seriously hilarious.

    i recall a instance from a very loud debate at a certain ccd in delhi with a IAS aspirant from st.xaviers college and the pol science topper… “BCCI is a government entity and IPL is controlled by the government, why cant they reschedule the the elections so that more people come out and vote.”

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