Nov 172015

My Reiki teacher, Prasad, narrated this to us. I paraphrase,

The setting is the sabha of the Kauravas, and the scene is the Vastraharan. As long as Draupadi holds on to the cloth that covers her, Dushsasana is successful. It is when she leaves that cloth, and takes that leap of faith, puts her hands  up and tells God ‘this is your problem now, do sometihng’ – that the cloth keeps growing, and growing, and growing, till Dushsasna loses. As long as she thought she was the one who was fighting, she was losing the battle. It is when she parks her ego and calls out for help, unreservedly, that help arrives.

i wonder about this at times. Sometimes i just say a silent prayer and leave it to to divine intervention. When i say silent prayer – it is usually colloquiol – ‘i can’t handle this anymore, you sort it out’ type.And, it usually works.

Yeah. it has been one of those years – where i have thought about this story, a bit too frequently. Asking for help is not something i do easily. I don’t even think about it, most of the time. But, this year, i have.

glass and wire

(a bit like this year – shot yesterday – shards of glass meeting barbed wire )…

Oct 242015


My mother went to one. Between her graduation and her marriage. Before she went to study for her masters. She learned how to arrange flowers, make a salad, lay a perfect table and the rest. When they got married, my father knew how to make the dal and rice, the rasam and the rest. “i taught her to cook” he would guffaw. They would have been married 50 years this July 12th.

I think that maybe other topics should be included in a course like this – how to have a conversation, how not to snap at your spouse, how to enjoy life without it becoming bogged down by what to cook, and where to eat. I am assuming that modern day marriages are more than food and sex.

Ten years ago, I would have ranted at this ad – and it’s innate sexism. Today, i realise it is fulfilling a need. But, the need is read wrong – it should be less about cooking and make up (there are delivery places and parlours for that) – and more about trying to build a life together, that doesn’t end in bitterness and recrimination. Nice topics – for both parties – would be cooking together, reading together, viewing together, laughing together — but, unfortunately ‘togetherness’ cannot be taught

(via my brother’s FB status update)

Oct 142015

Mumbai’s changing landscape –


On July 12th this year, i moved my family from the wadala place we were renting, to Kherwadi in Bandra East – just off the highway. The rent is steeper than Wadala (but not by much) – but it is a much nicer place. The most important consideration was proximity to hospitals – and there are 4 within a 2 kilometer radius. I didn’t like Wadala (e) too much. there was something completely alienating about the area that we lived in, and it was close to no big medical facility. I wish we had moved a year earlier

The picture below is also mumbai, Bandra to be more precise – in the same axis as the sea link. There is something reassuringly solid about the fisherman, getting ready to go to work.    IMG_20150914_074008.jpg

In the 21 years that I have been back in Mumbai – i have seen the city change in front of my eyes. from the quality of roads, to the nature of architecture. From the flyovers to the metro and the mono rail. Older areas are disappearing, newer ones are coming up. there are those who mourn the passing of the old, but that is the nature of the universe – everything dies. that includes localities, and communities. But, new ones form too. We sometimes ignore that.     mumbai -sealink

Oct 062015

I have been at a loss for words.  They simply don’t flow anymore. I have anaysed it – why don’t you write, i ask myself, as an external analyst trying to solve a problem?

Do you not care about anything anymore to write about it; at , maybe you have written so much – that you  have nothing left to say;… Or maybe, you have, so far, kept a part of yourself in reserve. Locked away. Private. And, now to write – you have to bring out that you. Do you really want to reveal so much of you. And, if you do – will all defenses be stripped away leaving you vulnerable to hurt. Or maybe it is nothing that deep – maybe the fact that you have such mundane work occupying the bulk of your time – that your brain is ossified. Or maybe, you spend so much of your time with news content, that there is nothing left to say that is original or incisive. Or, maybe you don’t have time for any of those things that gave you insight – going away to the villages, filming, reading, photography, being with friends, meeting people other than media – maybe that is the problem. That you have become the frog in the well – and you are terrified that your view would be as superficial as other frogs in the well.

these are the kind of conversations i have with myself about writing. Yes, and when you start referring to yourself in the 2nd person – you know that you are in trouble.

It has been a dreadful year so far – personally. And, i have done pretty much what i have done all my life – thrown my self so much into work that the exhaustion does not leave me any time for anything else. Especially my own thoughts.

Now, i have begun to heal. And, part of that healing is expressing. Some of what i write may be maudlin and pointless, like this one. But it is cheaper than therapy 😀

I have begun gathering my life back again. it is a different life from what it was before, and i am discovering the difference

mumbai skyline 2