As she enters her 14th year, the Queen of our home has gotten more imperious, if such a thing is possible. She has got her non verbal communication down to a tee. 14 dog years, is approximately 90 human years, so we have a dog who is very ancient. Barking takes up too much energy. So she conserves her energy, and stares, and stares, and stares, till her gaze sears into your back, and you pay heed.

She has taken to sleeping most of the day. And, most activities make her very tired. At nights, when i get home from work, she gives me the “my paws are aching look”. I sit next to her and massage her legs, and her paws. She licks my hand all over as thanks. I call her my ‘grand mother hound”, she snarls, and all is well.

When we get a dog home, we sign up for a pup. And, part of us believe that the dog will stay the same way for the rest of their lives. But dogs grow up, grow old, grow weary, and fall ill. There was a time when she could jump on to the dining table without any effort. Now she can barely get into the car – even when i move the seat, and let her climb in and sit on the floor.

The one thing that hasn’t changed, is her playfulness. She tries even now to play with us. once a day. Almost like she knows we need it more for our wellbeing, than because she has the energy to play with us. But what starts as a game, ends as a full body massage for her … so it is kind of win win.

There are days, when darkness overwhelms me, and i think of a life when she is gone. I can’t. I know that she will go, sooner rather than later. Intellecutally i have accepted that. But, just the thought of it, gets my eyes to give rise to rivulets of tears. The heart  feels heavy – like it is going to break with the grief, and then from no where she comes to me and bullies me out of the darkness.

This is a picture from a few years ago, shot in Lonavala – her favorite place.